


but you and i, we've been through that

by delightwrites



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Billy is alive because I said so, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, POV First Person, set after season 2 during the occupation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2021-02-07 07:16:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21454135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delightwrites/pseuds/delightwrites
Summary: It’s been almost two weeks. Two weeks since the world seemed to end again. Two weeks since the cylons arrived on New Caprica, the president surrendered and the fleet abandoned us. It’s been two weeks and I’m called to meet the leaders of the newly formed Resistance.‘We need a messenger,’ explains the Chief.
Relationships: Billy Keikeya/Original Female Character, Felix Gaeta & Original Female Character, Lee Adama & Original Female Character





	1. the messenger

**Author's Note:**

> rhea bailey, a young and inexperienced viper pilot suddenly finds herself as the messenger of the resistance. so she needs to find a way to avert suspicion off herself...

It’s been almost two weeks. Two weeks since the world seemed to end again. Two weeks since the cylons arrived on New Caprica, the president surrendered and the fleet abandoned us. It’s been two weeks and I’m called to meet the leaders of the newly formed Resistance. No idea why, five minutes ago I thought I was just visiting Galen and Cally. And actually, I was only a pilot, not even a real soldier. And before that – before the attack on the Colonies, before the end of the world – I’d been a farmgirl, nothing more. _Feels like it was aeons ago._

‘We need a messenger,’ explains the Chief. 'Someone to transfer messages safely between the members of the Resistance. Someone who’s not suspicious. Someone who won’t speak.’

I nod because I understand. The job is risky, torture and death are both part of the deal. But Galen is right, the Resistance needs a messenger. So I agree to do it. I don’t know why. _Gods, help me._

-

The meeting is held under the Tyrols’ tent and the whole Resistance is here, which is not a lot of people. Not yet, anyway. Ms Roslin seems to be ready to fight any cylon with her bare hands and her assistants Billy and Tory are also here, colonel Tigh, who had always scared me a bit, seems kind of scared himself, Galen is staying close to his pregnant wife Cally and Kara’s husband, Sam Anders just stands in the corner like a statue of a god who’s angry at the world. Kara was captured when the cylons attacked and there has been no news about her since then.

'So, Bailey, you volunteered to be our messenger?’ asks the Colonel and I nod. I know he doesn’t think too much of me. I’m just a kid, after all. Quite a good pilot, but nothing else. But the Chief trusts me and I know that if Lee was here, he would trust me too. _What am I thinking, I haven’t seen Apollo in months…_ I miss my friend, I realise suddenly.

'Marigold, is it?’ Roslin leans closer. I can feel my face cover with blush. No one’s called me by my callsign for about a year.

'Yes, ma'am.’ I smile.

'Marigold, if you are to be our messenger, you need an excuse to visit us at any time. Otherwise it would get suspicious.’

'She is our friend,’ the Chief says. 'And the godmother of our child.’ He stops and smiles at Cally. We’ve discussed this earlier, but my heart still makes a leap at the thought.

I’m humming as I’m trying to think of an excuse to visit the Colonel. _Why would I do that?_

'You could say you’re helping Mrs Tigh…’ offers Billy sheepishly. 'With her groceries, maybe?’

'Hmm, yes, that could work…’ says the Colonel.

'But what about Madam Roslin?’ I ask. 'Should I help her with the groceries too?’

'No, that would be suspicious’ the former president protests. 'And we can’t really say you’re helping out at the school either. We have only a few kids there and more than enough staff… But perhaps,’ she wonders.’ Billy, Rhea may I talk to you in private?’

The others quickly empty the room and Roslin turns to us, the two youngest members of the Resistance.

'What if, Rhea… what if you had an excuse to visit Billy, not me?’

'Why would I visit Billy?’

'Because you are dating, of course!’

_Dating? Is she crazy?_ I open my mouth in surprise and Billy seems to be just as confused.

'But Madam Presiden-… Madam Roslin, we’re not…’ he mutters while I somehow manage to close my mouth.

'You don’t have to actually date. Just act like it. Pretend.’ My cheeks are blushing again, I really want something to cover my face with. Billy’s my friend, of course, but to act like we are dating? Seems a bit desperate. _But then, we’re living desperate times, aren’t we?_

'I… I suppose we could… pretend.’ I agree, after taking a few deep breaths. Billy looks like he’s on the verge of panic but eventually, he nods as well.

'Great! I’ll inform the others!’ Roslin says almost cheerfully, leaving us alone in the dark basement of the Resistance.

'Well…’ I turn to Billy, managing a smile. 'Looks like you owe me a date.’


	2. date night

_I start the engines and take off. The Viper is a lot faster than the agrarian planes I’m used to and I’m enjoying the speed maybe a bit too much. My nervousness because of the exam is gone in an instant. This is it. The Colonial Fleet Academy. I’ve waited for this for so long. And now I’m certain that I can pass the entrance exam, even with this being my first time in a Viper. The view is beautiful, I need to paint it one day. Gods, I love my homeplanet. Caprica really is the most beautiful out of the Colonies. The teacher instructs me to slow down and show her a landing. Allright, I think. Shouldn’t be too difficult._

_That’s when I see it. A sudden flash of light in the distance. A huge pile of smoke. Panic starts bubbling up in my throat and I tune the ship’s radio to pick up other frequencies. I need to know what’s going on. It starts bursting distress signals in my ears. I can only catch one word from the chaos: cylons. I was born 22 years after the war but this word strikes fear in my heart. I tune the radio back to the instructor._

_'Do not land!’ she shouts and I’m confused. If it’s really the cylons, shouldn’t we all go to safety or something? 'I repeat: do not land! Leave orbit and dock on the nearest ship you can.’_

_'But…’ I start to protest. I’ve never left orbit. I’ve never flown a Viper before. I can’t do this. And besides, my family is on the planet. I could almost see our farm just a few minutes ago. I’m not gonna just leave. I can’t. But the teacher – I don’t remember her name anymore – cuts me off and there’s panic in her voice._

_'Do you hear me, Bailey? Leave orbit. That’s an order. Go!’_

'Bailey? Do you hear me, Bailey?’ the radio cracks. I’m grasping for air as I’m pulled back into reality. I’m not in a Viper. Not on Caprica. This is the makeshift plane that we use to sprinkle the crops with and this is New Caprica.

'Yeah I’m here.’ I answer Corey in the radio. She’s the one who directs the production here, South-East from the city.

'Are you finished?’

'Finished for the day, Corey.’

'Good, come down.’ I sigh and obey orders. I’m not the one with the most flying experience but I’m the only one on the planet who’s worked with agrarian planes before so I got chosen for this job. Not to say I’m not happy with it, but well, I miss my Viper and this reminds me too much of home sometimes.

-

I head to the market after work. For a moment I forget that I’ll have to do Mrs Tigh’s grocery shopping too. _That was a stupid idea, Billy._

The market is crowded and teeming. I like being here. It’s almost like the hangar bay of the Galactica, full of different people and all kinds of sounds and noises. I buy the groceries and before going home, I turn to the temple. The temple is really just a tent like all the others, except there’s an altar with candles, incense and small statues of the gods. I kneel down in front of the altar and light another incense. I pray, like I do every single day. It’s kind of funny how I used to pray for good harvest, for success, for inspiration. Now I have to pray for survival. I have to pray for mercy on my life and all my friends’ lives so we can live to see the next day. _It’s funny how everything’s changed since the end of the world. It’s funny how I’ve changed._

-

Billy actually takes me on a date tonight and I have to phisically restrain myself from laughing histerically at the thought, because really, it’s kind of ridiculous. But I remember what Roslin said. It’s just play pretend. But if it doesn’t look real, if it’s not believable, it can cost us our lives. So I get my prettiest outfit, which is not too pretty because we all barely have any clothes left so there’s not much to choose from. I shrug because this is what matters the least. I walk to the square where we discussed to meet. Baltar had a party here once, before the cylons arrived at the planet. Now it’s rather quiet and empty so it’s easy to notice Billy’s tall figure waiting for me. He’s always so on time.

I greet him with a 'Hey!’ and his cheeks turn red.

'Hi!’ he answers.

The date is nothing special, we’re just strolling through the town until curfew and talking. He tells me about the school, how he’s helping out Roslin and teaches history lessons to the kids. I tell him about my work and somehow the conversation turns to our homes. We’re both from Caprica, but Billy grew up in Caprica City. When I tell him I’ve only been there a few times for pyramid games – I purpusefully don’t mention the Academy entrance exam – his eyes widen and he starts listing his favourite places in the city. Then we both quiet down because we realise those places are gone now, forever. And most of the people there, too. _The past never really leaves you alone. And maybe it shouldn’t. We have to remember. We have to be here to remember._

'It’s almost curfew,’ says Billy, looking down at his watch. 'I’ll get you home.’

'You don’t have to, it’s fine…’ I try to protest but he interrupts me.

'It’s a date, remember?’ he asks teasingly.

I smile, sighing deeply but I agree to letting him come with me. We walk towards my tent and I realise there’s something we forgot to discuss.

'What are the rules?’ I ask.

'The rules?’ he repeats, confused.

'Of dating. Of pretending to date. Is handholding okay? What about hugging?’

He lets out a quiet 'Oh…’ and falls into deep thinking. After what seems like hours he finally answers. 'I think… if we want it to look real… then yes. We should do those things.’

I frown and try to think it through. He’s right. It has to look real. I nod and grab his hand teasingly. _Looks like we made ourselves a deal._ We burst out laughing because the whole thing still feels like a joke. _A nice kind of joke._

We arrive at my tent and I thank him for the night. Then I watch his figure disappear between the rows of tents. Somehow there’s a grin still stuck on my face.


	3. Felix

When I finish at work Corey stops me just as I’m about to leave.

'Hey Bailey!’ She runs after me. 'Could you take these reports to Baltar’s office? We should have done them yesterday so they’re already late.’

'No problem.’

-

The walk back to the city is nice, the air is crisp and I forget about cylons for a while. Though in the back of my mind, I’m a bit scared because Baltar’s office is full of them and I don’t particularly like the president either.

I go through the security check and enter the office. It’s not actually an office, it’s a ship. The Colonial One. But I can’t see Baltar anywhere. _Frak him, where is he?_ I still have to buy Mrs Tigh’s groceries.

'You’re looking for Baltar?’ asks someone from behind my back and I sigh with relief because it’s not a cylon. I recognise Felix Gaeta’s voice before I turn around to greet him.

'The reports of the South-Eastern region’s productivity.’ I show him the papers.

'You work there?’ he muses.

'Yeah…’ I say. 'I learned to fly farm planes. Back home, I mean. It comes in handy now.’

He nods and motions to my papers. 'You can leave them here. If you wanna wait for Baltar, you’ll be here all day.’

I hand him the reports and we’re both quiet for a moment.

_It’s Baltar’s stupid foundation-stone party and everyone is kind of drunk. I’m looking for someone - maybe Lee - but can’t seem to find him anywhere. Instead I literally bump into Felix Gaeta. I don’t apologise, just giggle like an idiot because I’m quite tipsy and he is too. Hotdog crosses our way with three bottles and without question, he hands us two. Then he opens his own and chugs it down. He almost immediately trips over but we catch him and get him to a chair. Seconds later, he slips off the chair and ends up on the ground. Somehow it’s just so fraking funny that we can’t stop laughing._

Really, it’s incredible that I still remember all these details considering I forgot pretty much everything else from that night. I guess some moments stuck with you more than others.

_Felix and I manage to empty our bottles. Then we just stand in silence for a while. Life on New Caprica has been boring lately but at least we’re not running from the cylons. Maybe we lost them for good. And I haven’t had this much fun in a while so I’m content with even this silence. But Felix suddenly starts singing, quietly, as if just to himself._

_I recognise the song from Caprica. I used to sing it with my cousins. This would usually make me sad and homesick. But now, now everything feels blurry from the alcohol and it reminds me of home in a weirdly positive way so I start to hum. And Felix, he has a pretty nice voice. I join in, even though I’ve never been such a good singer._

I wish I could go back to that night, I think. The tought alone makes me smile and Gaeta raises an eyebrow. I thank him and say goodbye quickly because I can feel my cheeks turn red. I barely notice humming the song as I walk out of the office.


	4. home

I leave from the Colonel’s tent with Mrs Tigh’s grocery list – the next meeting’s details – and meet up with Sam to inform him. I’m heading to speak with the Chief when I notice two guys following me. _What the frak?_ I try to walk faster but they’re still behind me. If I could take a closer look without turning back… I glance at them, just from the corner of my eye. Toasters. Two of those Leuben kinds that kidnapped Starbuck. I can feel my heart in my throat. _Gods, what do I do, what do I do?_

I speed up my steps even more, but of course I won’t loose them so easily. I turn left at the next row of tents and start running. I know they can keep up with my speed easily, they are machines. But only if they can see me. I turn right at the next row and then immediately to the left. I’m sprinting between the tents, taking turns without paying attention to where I’m going. I’m running as fast as I can and cursing myself for being so stupid.

That’s when I almost crash into a fisherman’s stand at the market. Luckily, I manage to slow down. The market, as always, is full of people and I’m grateful for that. I let the crowd carry me while I catch a breath, then enter the nearest tent. It’s the temple. _The gods led me here._ I kneel in front of the altar, knowing the cylons would never set foot in our temple. I’m safe. I can still hear my own heart’s loud beating in my ears and I’m still grasping for air but I’m safe.

-

Arriving at the meeting, I’m surprised to see that the Resistance has grown in numbers since the last time I saw them. New faces, familiar and unfamiliar, gather in the basement of Chief Tyrol, who well after the discussion has already began, announces that we have an informant. An inside man, someone on the Colonial One. Someone who promised to leak information for us. My imagination goes flying, I wonder if I’ve seen the informant when I left the reports at the office. I met quite a few people on the ship, which one of them could be? _This is beginning to feel somewhat like those secret agent movies I’ve seen in Caprican cinemas._ The thought makes me giggle but Tigh glares at me so I force myself to stop.

The thing I realise from the meeting is that… we don’t really have a plan. All we have is the hope that the fleet will come back for us. And that we can last until then. That’s it.

'What if they don’t come back?’ a dry voice asks from the back row and my heartbeat stops for a second. _Really, what do we do if they don’t come back?_

-

'Date tomorrow?’ I ask Billy, nudging his arm jokingly. I try to remain cheerful, despite the world spinning around me.

His eyes widen and I can see him blush. Or maybe it’s just the cool air of the evening as we’re walking back to our tents.

'Yeah… I mean, yes. Date tomorrow.’

I chuckle and my cheeks turn red. _It was just a joke._

All of this is is just a joke, I think as I say goodbye to Billy and enter my own tent. I’ve been living here for quite a long while, yet when I think of home, it’s not my tent that comes to my mind. _It’s our farm on Caprica. And maybe a little bit, it’s the Galactica._ It’s late and I’m tired. So many things have happened in the last few days.

I let my hair down and water the single pot of marigold flowers I own. They were a gift from Lee, from the garden of the Cloud Nine, before it was blown up.

_'Are those flowers?’ Apollo asks me when he sees me painting all over my Viper._

_'Marigolds.’ I explain, 'My mother used to have tons of them in our garden.They’re all gone now, I’m sure.’_

_He steps closer to see them better, his fingers touching the red-orange petals on the metal body of the Viper. 'They are beautiful.’_

_'Your name is Rhea, right?’ he turns to me._

_'Rhea Bailey’ I nod. I can’t begin to count how many times I’ve told my name to all kinds of officers and medical staff in the last weeks. They counted everyone who was left from the Colonies. They say we’re less than fifty thousand. And my family is not part of it. I’m surrounded by fifty thousand people but I’m alone._

_'Nice to meet you, Rhea Bailey. I’m Lee Adama.’ We shake hands and he gives me an encouraging smile._

_'Lee? So your name isn’t actually Apollo?’ I let out a giggle and that even surprises me._

_'Apollo Adama? No!’ he laughs. 'You know kid, if you’re going to be a pilot, you’re gonna need a callsign too.’_

_I don’t protest him calling me kid. It actually is better than all the Ms Baileys I’ve been getting recently._

_'Come on, Marigold, I’ll introduce you to Starbuck. I think she’ll like you.’_

_And this feels even better._

Apollo is with the fleet now. The commander of the Pegasus. I didn’t tell anyone about the two cylons who followed me, nor about my visit on the Colonial One. If Lee was here, I would have told him. But he’s not. And I can’t stop thinking about the guy at the meeting who doubted the fleet’s return. _What if Lee and the admiral don’t come back for us? What if no one comes back for us? What if New Caprica is all we’ll have for the rest of our lives?_ The thought, however frightening, keeps going round and round in my head. _What if I’ll have to live my whole life running from cylons on this godsforsaken planet? That can’t be. The gods, the prophecy… that can’t all be lies._

-

Days pass and I can’t get it out of my head. During my date with Billy, at work, at the market, during the pyramid games and even in the temple, I keep seeing the two cylons. And I can hear the question being asked, over and over again. _What if they don’t come back?_

Corey has this idea that from now on, I’ll be the one handing in the report every week. I think it’s a stupid idea. I don’t want to set foot in that toaster-packed ship, no more than anyone else. But I don’t want to get on Corey’s bad side so I just sigh and fold the papers into my pocket. Heading to the Colonial One, I am alone with my thoughts. _What if they don’t come back?_

Inside the ship, I try to stay low, hoping they’ll just ignore me. But a girl with messy, ginger hair is probably extremely noticeable among the cylons, who all look very much the same.

'Marigold!’ Gaeta greets me with a smile. I almost forgot that he works here every day, surrounded by cylons.

'Hey’ I answer awkwardly. I’m nervous and fidgety and want to leave as soon as I can. I take the folded reports when I spot a Leuben on the corridor. It’s probably not even one of those who followed me but my heart goes racing. The papers fall to the floor with a soft thud.

'Are you okay?’

'Huh?’ I scrape the reports off the ground and hand them to Gaeta. He sounds genuinely concerned and for a moment I wish I could tell him everything. _What if they don’t come back?_ I’m scared of going home alone, it’s getting dark already. And I’m frightened of having to be this scared for the rest of my days.

Gaeta calls my name again, with a worried expression on his face. I look around to see if anyone can hear us, then lean closer. 'Last time I was here, two cylons followed me home and I'm…’ my voice cracks and I can’t finish.

His eyes widen. And gods, I must be looking miserable because he says 'I’ll come with you. I’m finished for today. I’ll take you home.’

I don’t know if I should be relieved or terrified. _He works here… He could be a traitor. He could be an enemy. Gods, he could be a cylon._ I take a gulp and nod. I feel like I can’t back out now. I can already hear Tigh shouting all of his curses at me. _Bailey, how could you be so stupid to let someone like Gaeta spy on you and on the whole frakkin’ Resistance?’_

-

But as we’re walking back to the city and I see no signs of cylons coming after us, my heart lightens. How could I have thought he was a spy? _Felix Gaeta the spy, that’s a good one, Rhea._ And it occurs to me that he has no way of knowing I’m part of the Resistance. He probably just sees me as that kid from the Galactica who’s pretty scared right now, and nothing more. I giggle at my own stupidity as Gaeta talks about the buildings that still need to be made, if the cylons let us. Which has a slim chance, apparently, because they don’t really care about us having a hospital, or a school, or anything. For them, the detention centre is more than enough.

_What if they don’t come back?_ I have the sudden urge to ask. If I was on a date with Billy, I would ask him. If Lee was here, I would ask him. If there were a dozen toasters right next to me, I would ask them. Because I have to. I need to know.

'What if they don’t come back?’

He stops, startled by my question. 'The fleet?’

I nod.

'They will.’

'How do you know?’

'I just know.’ He shrugs and looks up at the sky, as if the fleet could jump there any second. I follow his gaze and I can almost see it. _The Galactica and the Pegasus, appearing out of thin air. Vipers and Raptors pouring down from the clouds like rain. All of us, running to our ships and going home at last. Home._ I can see it. I swear I can.


	5. lost

Weeks pass without the fleet returning. Weeks pass and I’m starting to ease into this new routine of life, the way I had before the occupation began. I’ve painted flowers on my plane and wrote my name like it used to be on my Viper: _R. Bailey 'Marigold’_. I’m glad I’m still allowed to fly, because flying is always the same. It never changes, while everything else does.

Every week, I hand in the reports at Colonial One, but there are no more cylons following me home. I shop for groceries, I go to the temple and pray. I’m spending more and more time with Billy and people seem to look at us as a couple now. _Which I guess, is kind of the point of this whole game._ Because it still feels like a game. We hold hands when we’re walking around the market and we greet each other with hugs. That’s no problem for me, I’ve always loved hugging my friends but I noticed it’s making him nervous so I try to take the game easy.

The Resistance is growing in numbers, I can see it at every meeting. My job as a messenger gets harder as there are more people I need to contact. We have weapons and maybe even explosives but not much more. I know the Colonel wants to keep killing cylons, not caring they’d be resurrected in no time, until they’d have enough and leave. Galen is trying to contact the fleet, hoping they sent a Raptor to reach us. There has been no answer so far, all channels are blocked in some way. So there isn’t much the Resistance can achieve. No matter what we do, things stay the same. Or actually, things get worse. People are taken away to the detention centre, more each week. Some of them return, some of them don’t. And that’s not all there is… The cylons raided our temple last week. The temple. The only place we thought they would never set foot in. The only place we thought was protected by the Lords of Kobol. We were wrong. Nora, a fellow pilot was there. She died.

The toasters are recruiting people to something called 'New Caprica Police’. And the people enlist by dozens. Tigh was furious when he heard the news. He called them collaborators, traitors. I don’t know. What if those people just want to get into a position where they can protect their loved ones? _Isn’t that what we would all do, if we could?_

-

_I can’t believe I got lost again. It’s my fourth day as a pilot and I can’t find the hangar bay. I know, it’s awkward. I could find it yesterday so why not now?_

_The corridor’s empty, no one to ask for directions. Except… I think I saw someone go right at the next turn._

_'Wait!’ I shout after him and run._

_He looks about my age but he’s really tall. He’s wearing a suit, so he’s probably a civilian. Well, it’s worth a try…_

_'Excuse me,’ he starts before I could say anything. 'Could you help me find the CIC? I think I got lost and…’_

_He can’t finish because I burst out laughing. I know it’s rude to interrupt him and he looks at me judgingly but I just can’t help it._

_'I'm…’ I struggle to catch a breath while laughing. 'I’m lost too… I wanted to ask you… for directions…’_

_His eyes widen and he chuckles. I have tears in my eyes from laughing. 'Gods, I haven’t laughed like this since…’_

_Since the end of the world. Thinking of the attack on the Colonies is like a cold shower. I’m pulled back into reality in an instant and my laughter fades. I rub my eyes and push the thought to back of my mind._

_'My name’s Billy,’ he introduces himself quickly, like he doesn’t want to seem rude for not doing so. 'I’m president Roslin’s personal aide.’_

_'Nice to meet you.’ I smile at him. 'I’m Rhea. Viper pilot. Or I will be one, if Starbuck doesn’t kill me for being late from practice.’_

_'Then we should go find someone who can save you.’ He’s laughing now too. I can’t help but smile._

If I remember right, we wandered around empty corridors for half an hour before we found Boomer near one of the service tunnels – _Really what was she doing there? Meeting with the Chief probably…_ – and she helped us out. Starbuck really glared at me like she wanted to kill me but decided to show mercy that day. _Gods, I hope she’s alright._

Billy and I both have gotten better at not getting lost since then but seems like we’re still not quite the best.

'You’ve been living here longer, I can’t believe you don’t know where we are!’

'Didn’t you move to New Caprica a year ago? That’s just enough time to learn where things are.’

'I don’t know, I had better things to do than explore the place!’ I’m starting to get angry and a big part of that is actually fear. It’s curfew soon and and I don’t want to think about being found outside by a bunch of toasters. Not like it’s safer inside, I’m pretty sure Roslin and the people close to her will be taken in soon.

'Wait, that tent’s familiar!’ It’s not exactly the tent that’s familiar but the dog guarding it. I drag Billy along and run up to the tent.

'You are such a good boy, Jake!’ I greet the dog who wags his tail excitedly. I walk by every day to work and always take some time to pet him so he recognises me.

It’s easy to find the way home from here and soon, we’re standing in front of my tent and Billy is about to say goodbye.

'Wait, maybe you should stay here…’ I struggle with the words even though they seemed so clear a moment ago, before I wanted to say them aloud. 'I mean it’s really late… And you hear about people being taken in and… It’s not safe.’

Billy’s cheeks might be even more red than mines. 'Wouldn’t it… wouldn’t it bother you?’

I shake my head. 'It’s okay.’

'Okay,’ he repeats sheepishly, stepping inside my small tent. There are painted stars all around the drapes because I’ve started missing them lately. And there are pictures, pieces of paper full of drawings and sketches. Mostly of people.

'Wow’ he whispers. 'You drew all of this?’

'Yeah… I try to draw everyone I can remember. From before… And everyone who died since I met them.’ _It’s a ritual. It’s my way of remembering._ But I don’t tell him that.

He picks up a paper half-covered with with little sketches of a smiling woman and looks at me questioningly.

'It’s Nora.’ I explain. 'She died in the temple, I’m sure you heard about her.’

He nods and gently puts back the paper on the side of my bed. 'Did you know her?’

'Not well,’ I sigh. 'She was a pilot. She dated Duck or maybe they were even married already. I think they were planning babies.’

-

He stays that night and after trying to fit into my chair but not really succeeding, I offer him half of the bed. It’s a bit awkward. I don’t know why, I usually sleep in a compartment with half a dozen other pilots and officers, so it shouldn’t be. But despite the awkwardness, I’m grateful for his presence. I feel safer this way. And it’s good to have someone to talk to and keep an eye on you at night.

This is not the only night he stays with me.


	6. a cold and flickering light

The door of tent opens and the sunlight fills everything. No!

'Rhea!’ Billy cries out. _No, my head hurts, don’t shout._ He runs to my bed and the look on his face is… concerned.

'Wha…’ I try to sit up but my head’s dizzy. 'What is it?’

'We were supposed to meet two hours ago at the market! Did you sleep in?’

I try to sit up again. Every muscle in my body aches. _Ow, my head…_

'Are you okay?’ Billy asks, his expression growing even more worried. Gingerly putting his hand on my forehead, he checks my temperature. 'My gods… You have fever.’

He jumps up and before stepping out, he adds 'Stay here, I’ll call the doctor!’ With that, he’s gone.

_So, I’m sick. That’s great frakin’ news._ Gaeta was right when he noticed I’m not feeling the best yesterday at Colonial One. Except I brushed his comments off, because I didn’t want to be sick. _In other words, I’m not just sick, I’m stupid too._

-

According to Doc Cottle, I’ll have to get it out of this on my own. There’s not enough medicine and he can only give it when it’s absolutely necessary. And I’m young and strong, as he said, so I’ll hopefully make it. Billy tried to argue with him but didn’t achieve anything.

So he does all he can. He stays with me and doesn’t move from my bed all day. I almost can’t believe it, but he’s here. I fall asleep a lot and each time I wake up, he’s here. When I’m awake he talks and I listen. I don’t even what he’s talking about but his voice makes me feel better.

'Rhea…’ he wakes me gently after what feels like forever. 'I need to get some stuff so I can stay for the night.’

'No, you don’t have to…’

'Yes I do. You need me.’ He leaves no room for arguments. Maybe he’s right. And maybe I don’t want him to leave either. 'I’ll just get a few things and come back. Won’t take more than ten minutes.’

_No. I don’t want to be alone. Please, don’t leave me._ But he does and I’m left alone in my small tent. It won’t take more than ten minutes. _Ten minutes._

I hear metal clamping against the ground outside of the tent. Toasters. Or is it just that godsdamn fever playing tricks with my mind? _Please, all the lords of Kobol, let it not be the cylons._ But my prayer’s not answered this time.

'No!’ My voice is cracking. 'Noooo!’ I’m screaming as I’m pulled out of my bed. I’m too weak to put up a fight, screaming is all I have left. The cold feels like needles on my skin, piercing through the soft wool of my pyjamas. I can barely stand up and my legs give up a few seconds later anyway. Two centurions have to hold me as they drag me towards the detention centre. I’m screaming for help, loud as I can though I can feel my voice weaken and I know no one’s gonna help. The people on the streets look the other way. There’s nothing they can do and we all know that. _I know that I’m going to die._

-

Cold.

The cell they put me in, the floor and the metal walls, the light barely flickering above my head. All cold. My head aches and my eyes don’t seem to focus, no matter how I’m begging them to.

The door screeches open and the woman stepping inside greets me with a grin. She’s beautiful, with blonde hair and a red dress. _And she’s a cylon_, the thought comes to the surface but there’s nowhere to run. I’m as good as dead.

'So’ she starts and her voice is cold too. 'Your name is Rhea Bailey and you are a pilot, am I right? Or rather, you were a pilot.’ She laughs and her laugh is like metal, scratching my aching brain.

'But nowadays, you have a bit of a more interesting job. Delivering messages around the _Resistance_’ she spits the word out like it’s a curse. I swallow hard but I don’t answer.

She looks at me and when she speaks, there’s pity in her voice. Or maybe she’s just pretending. 'Listen, I can see you are unwell. And I can help you. Just… tell me something, a little something. A name, for example.’ She crouches next to me and her ice blue eyes cut through me as she gently brushes a few hairstrands off of my sweaty forehead. 'I just need a name, that’s all. It really isn’t much, now is it? And I can get you a blanket. A proper meal. Even medicine. Now how does that sound?’

-

I don’t know how long I’ve been locked here. Day and night, sleep and wake have blended together and I can’t tell the difference anymore, except for those split seconds right after I wake up from a feverish dream. The cylons returned, sometimes the same blonde one, sometimes others. I remember they talked and made promises. Or perhaps threats. And every time someone came, my heart sank a little because I expected… No, I _wanted_ it to be Billy. _Or was it just my head clouded by fever?_

The door opens and I can barely make out the face of the man peering through the gap. But that’s for sure, it’s not a cylon. And it’s not Billy, either.

'Marigold!’ he calls out, trying not to attract attention from anyone else. He closes the door and rushes through the tiny cell. Kneeling next to me and observing me with worried eyes, I finally recognise him, his grey shirt and disheveled dark curls.

'Felix,’ I try to say but it only comes out as a slight whisper. Still, I’m sure he heard it because he lets out a relieved sigh.

'Gods, you look awful’ he says and reaches into his pocket, taking out a few pills. 'Here, take these. They are from Baltar’s personal supply.’ I barely hear the last part, Felix mutters it as if ashamed of himself. I take the pills without question and reach for the cup in the corner of the cell, hoping it still has some water at the bottom. He notices my shaking hands and holds the cup for me instead, while I drink and swallow the pills.

'Now, try to get some sleep.’ I nod gingerly but I notice him leaving. _Wait_, I want to say. I want to ask him to get out a message. To be the messenger, instead of me, just for this once. _Just tell Billy I said 'hi!’_. Maybe I’ll never be able to say it to him myself.

'I’ll try to get you out of here’ says Felix quietly while closing the door and leaving me alone with the flickering white light, my feverish thoughts and my message for the boy-who-isn’t-actually-my-boyfriend unsaid.

-

I’m quite literally thrown out from the building, metal hands grabbing my shoulders and tossing me out, down in the dirt. The air is crisp and cold but it _is_ air. I don’t know how long it’s been since I breathed air outside of the detention centre. _And the sun?_ It shines so bright, for a moment it feels like being back at home, on Caprica.

But I’m not at home. I know that, my head is clear now, the medicine helped.

I still can’t help but laugh out, as I take in the air, the sunlight, the freedom, the realisation that I’m still alive. I just kneel on the ground and I laugh.

'Rhea!’ Galen rushes over to me and Sam is with him. _Oh gods, it’s so good to see people that aren’t clyons…_

'Can you walk?’ asks Sam and I let out a confident 'yeah’ before I work myself up and take two shaky steps, just to have my legs give up on me and I fall back in the dust.

'Easy, easy!’ scolds me the Chief. Sam ends up carrying me back to my tent, while he rushes over to call Doc Cottle.

-

The doctor just left when the door of tent swings open and I drop my cup of tea on the ground. Billy stands right next to my bed, gaping.

'Ma-Marigold?’ he stammers but _gods, he’s alright. He wasn’t taken, he’s here, he’s safe._

I jump up and throw myself at him. He’s still trying to catch his breath and he’s muttering something like 'I thought I lost you…’ as he returns the hug. I bury my face in his jacket, hoping to hide the warm tears that began to slide down from my eyes.

_Do I tell him I missed him? That I missed his blushing face, his lanky hugs, his warmth next to me in my bed?_

_Maybe another time._


	7. dreams

_Cold light blinds my eyes and I try to squint to make out my surroundings._

_I sit on cold, metal floor and there are no windows, just a single lightbulb with that blinding, damned light. I’m wearing my pyjamas._

_I’m back in my cell._

_'No-’ I stutter. That can’t be. That can’t be, I was outside. I was outside and I felt the the warmth of the sun on my skin and I heard the voice of my friends and I hugged Billy. I was free._

_My fists clench. I was free. I jump up and start banging on the door._

_'I was free!’ I shout and try to push the door in with my shoulder. 'I was free and you brought me back, you monsters! Do you hear me?’_

_I scream on the top of my lungs. My fists hurt, my knuckles bleed._

_'DO YOU HEAR ME? LET ME OUT, YOU BASTARDS! LET ME-’ my voice cracks, 'Let me out…’_

_No one hears me. No one opens the door. My eyes fill with tears._

_'I was… I was free.’ I slide down, my back turned against the door that won’t open no matter what I do. Blood runs down on my injured hands and tears on my face. 'Please…’_

'Rhea?’

I wake up to someone shaking my shoulders and calling my name. I sit up, gasping for air, tears dried on my face.

It takes a while for my eyes to get adjusted to the dark but when they do, I see Billy look at me with a concerned expression. I take a deep breath.

'Are you okay?’ he asks. I slowly shake my head.

'I was there… again.’ I try not to look him in the eye.

'It was just a nightmare,’ he says and takes my hand, slowy stroking it with his thumb.

'I know. But it felt so- so real.’ I’m close to tearing up again. _Gods, I feel so stupid._ Billy pulls me into a hug and that allows me to hide my face from him.

'Shhhh,’ he says, stroking my hair. 'You’re not there anymore.’

We stay like this until we both fall asleep.

-

The colonel visited me yesterday. He was eyeing me suspiciously while asking questions. It felt like an interrogation.

And I couldn’t answer him, not honestly. So I lied.

He asked if I told the toasters anything about the Resistance. Its members, its plans, anything. And I said no, of course. But the thing is, I don’t remember. I remember the cylons asking me questions, much like the Colonel now but I don’t remember what they had asked and what I had answered. _If_ I had answered anything at all.

_Maybe I’m a traitor. Maybe I’m a liar._

_If I am, I’ll have to live with that._

_But at least I’m here to live with it._

-

The doctor says I should stay in bed for a few more days and Billy takes that very seriously. He doesn’t move from my bed and looks out for me constantly. But I’m feeling better – still angry, still wrecked by nightmares, but better – and start getting bored soon. I want to get up and take a walk. Energy is buzzing inside me and I want to run, I want to play pyramid, I want to paint something huge, I want to fly.

One night, I overhear a conversation, low whispers in the dark when Roslin comes for a visit and both her and Billy think I’m asleep. A message came from the fleet.

I almost roll off my bed in surprise but manage to disguise the movement as turning over in my sleep. Like a thousand voices screaming in my head. _A message came from the fleet._

'And what was the message?’

'We’re expecting to get into contact with them any day now. But for now it’s just this,’ Roslin says, her voice barely louder than a shallow breath. ’_Have hope. We’re coming for you._’

_Gods, looks like you still hear our prayers up there._ I smirk.

And I wait. When I hear Billy’s light snoring, I slip from under the blankets. I make sure he’s asleep and pull up my boots. Fetching my jacket and my last bits of painting supplies, I step out into the night.

-

'Billy,’ I stop to take a sip from my morning tea. 'Do you think the Doc would be mad if we went for a walk?’

He looks up, hesitant.

'Oh please!’ I push, 'I’ve told you I’m feeling better! A little fresh air can’t hurt, can it?’

'I suppose it can’t.’

I grin widely at him and even forgive him for helping me put on my jacket before we go out. We walk towards the market and we hear excited chatter on the way. And it’s not fearful whispers and sidewayed glances like we’re used to but there’s definitely something curious going on. We find a rather large group gathered around one of the few actual buildings – not tents – that were made before the clyons attacked and we thought we could make New Caprica our new home.

'Mum, have you seen it?’ asks a kid, dragging her mum along with a huge grin on her face.

And then we see it. _It looks better in daylight._

Billy gasps and squeezes my hand. The stonewall that was completely blank until yesterday is now showing a planet. It’s blue and green and full of life. There are white clouds swirling around it and stars twinkle in the distance. Twelve constellations. The signs of the Twelve Colonies. And next to the planet, two words painted in the biggest letters I could manage:

HAVE HOPE

Billy glances at me from the corner of his eye and there’s something in his eyes, something I cannot quite describe.

'Is that… Earth?’ he asks with a swallow.

'Mm-hmm,’ I nod. I tried my best to imagine what it could be like.

'I… I like it.’ He seems frozen, staring at my painting so I nudge him with my elbow and pull him with myself as we leave the crowd. We stop behind a few battered-down tents and he finally looks at me. With that strange look in his eyes.

'Rhea, that was… that was…’

'The height of my artistic career?’ I offer. 'Pity no one can know it was me.’

'No!’ he tries to shout and whisper at the same time. 'That was incredibly dangerous! How could you… Ho-how did you even think…’

'What do you mean?’ I ask coldly.

'You sneaked out past curfew and you painted something like that!’ He’s grabbed my arms and he’s almost yelling. 'What were you thinking, they could have taken you in again!’

'So what?’ I snap, shaking his hand off of me. 'I knew the risks, Billy, I’m not an idiot. They’ve done it before and I’ve survived it before.’

He looks at me wretchedly and when he speaks, his voice is low. 'But what if you couldn’t, this time?’ His expression is pained. 'Don’t you realise they could have killed you? They could have taken you away…’ He trails off at this point, as if there was something else he wanted to say.

_What could it be?_

I swallow. Part of me knows he’s right, that the risk I took was far too big, while the other part still has anger bubbling up her throat every time she thinks about clyons and feels a great deal satisfaction at the thought of how much this will annoy them. 'Well, it’s not like they caught me,’ I say with a shrug.

Both parts of me desperately want to ask Billy how he wanted to finish that sentence. _They could have taken you away… Away from where? From him? Is that what he wanted to say?_

He doesn’t say. I don’t ask.

And I don’t take his hand.

-

Throughout the day, Billy’s been giving me that look of his, that look that hides concern and frustration and fear and gods-know-what-else. It’s driving me crazy.

_I don’t want his concern. I don’t want his pity. None of those things help. Help would be the fleet showing up and blasting the godsdamn toasters to kingdom come._

My fists clench. I turn my back on him in my bed and stare into the darkness in front of me. It had felt good, to have him next to me under the blankets, his warmth, his comfort a constant presence ever since I got out of the detention centre. But now… now it just makes me angry. _What’s wrong with me?_ I don’t want him here.

I fell asleep with clenched fists and when I wake, I wake to the sound of whimpers. My eyes snap wide open and I turn to Billy. His body is curled up in a ball and he’s letting out little yelps, like he’s in pain.

'No…’ he whispers, pleading to someone in his nightmare. 'Please no-’

I lean closer and call his name.

'Please…’

I shake his shoulder gingerly and say his name again, louder this time.

'No-not her… Rhea,’ Billy says and I freeze.

I’m still speechless when he finally opens his eyes, blinking frequently.

'Rhea, you-’ he starts, staring at me, his voice barely a whisper. 'You’re here.’

I swallow hard. 'I am.’

'Thank the Gods,’ he says with a shaky breath. 'I thought… thought that you…’

'You thought I was taken again?’

He nods. Frak. I have no idea what to do. But there are tears in Billy’s eyes and I have to do something. So I wipe the tears away from his face and take his hand in mine. _What else is there to do?_

'Oh Billy,’ I sigh. 'I’m here. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.’ He buries his face in the curve of my neck, still shaking a bit, and I put my arms around him, gently rocking him until he falls asleep.

_Of course I saw fear in his eyes. That’s all there is in everyone’s eyes these days. We’re all scared._

_If it wasn’t for all the fighting and hoping and loving, we’d be nothing else but scared._


	8. exodus

The last meeting of the Resistance has just ended and the room is emptied, people getting on their way. I have nothing in particular to do, there’s no need for a messenger anymore. I sit by the benches near the pyramid court and think about tomorrow.

Tomorrow, everything will change.

We got word from the fleet. Plans were made, tasks sorted out, weapons loaded. Tomorrow we leave New Caprica.

And that means that whatever happens – we win or loose, live or die – everything will change. New Caprica, the labyrinth of tents, the crowded market, the makeshift plane, the solid ground under my feet, the air in my lungs, the sunlight on my skin, all of that… gone. Gone, along with the curfew, the detention centre, the cylons and the fear. And the Resistance, the secret meetings in dim-lit rooms, messages passed on scrapes of paper or whispered into ears from close, too close. And the game we play with Billy, our act, our clever performance, our play-pretend.

It will end, one way or another. Maybe we return to the Galactica, to our lives, to the prophecy of finding Earth. Maybe we die here on this planet that wasn’t entirely forsaken by the gods after all. But it will end. I can’t bear to think of it. _Not yet._

-

I’m going with Cally and little Nicholas. At least, that’s the plan. We look after each other and get to the assigned ship fast as we can. _Sounds simple._ We take only what’s necessary, or rather, what we can’t leave behind. I’ve packed everything yesterday – a few of my clothes, my sketches, my too-short-to-be-used-anymore pencils and my single potted plant. My poor marigolds, I thought they would be dead, dry and grey, while I was held in the detention centre. But I came back to see them green and blooming, as they always had. I have a suspicion Billy had been watering them but that’s also one of the things I never asked, though I wanted to. And now I might never get to ask. I already need to get going, to meet Cally at their tent and then we leave. _We leave. Or at least, we try to._

I grab my bag and decide to take the long way to the Tyrols’ home. The long way, incidentally, passes by the school when Roslin, Tory and Billy have everything prepared for the evacuation. Billy is fidgeting, organising a few bags – _probably for the hundredth time_, it occurs to me and I let a fond smile slip onto my face. When he sees me, I catch a faint moment when his eyes light up.

'Marigold!’

'Hi…’ I begin and I have to remind myself that I’m only here to-

'I’m glad you came.’ Billy straightens his back and moves closer, taking my hand in his. 'I wanted to say goodbye. Not li-like I’m going anywhere else but… er, you know… just in case. Anything can happen,’ he finishes quietly.

'Yeah,’ I nod. 'Just in case.’

We stare at each other. _Everything will change._

'Billy,’ I have to ask. 'Did you… I mean, were you the one… watering my flowers?’

He squeezes my hand. 'Of course,’ he says, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

'Oh’ I say, because nothing is obvious. The world right now is full of question marks and things I should have asked, things I should ask.

'Billy, we need to get going,’ Tory announces and I realise Cally must be waiting for me too.

'Coming!’ says Billy, letting go of my hand and taking up a bag instead. He looks at me and takes a breath, as if there was something else he wants to say but changes his mind. He shoots me a weak smile and gets going.

'Billy! Wait!’ I call out. The things I want to say and want to ask chase each other in my mind. 'I… Take care of yourself!’

He nods, looking back at me. 'You too, Rhea.’

I clutch the strap of my bag tighter. _It’s a promise, a pact, a deal._

-

It’s barely twenty minutes later and we’re running. Cally, cradling Nicholas and Corey and a dozen others, running for our lives. The sky above us is cramped with the swarm of cylon warships and our Vipers. And there’s a shadow above us, hiding the light of the sun but promising so much more – the Galactica.

'We’re almost there!’ Cally says and shoots me an encouraging grin. My legs already ache – I’ve gotten unused to all of this – but I speed up. And that’s when I hear it.

'Don’t think for second you can come with us you fraking traitor!’

I look to the other side of the road and slow down involuntarily. Two guys have pushed someone over, giving them a few kicks and the dust is just beggining to settle. Then they run off, heading for the ships because they don’t want to stick around risking their lives. I wouldn’t want either. But then I see the figure lying in the dust, the _traitor_. And I recognise him. It’s Felix Gaeta.

'Go ahead!’ I shout to Cally. 'I’ll be right behind you!’

She looks back at me, bewildered. And the she nods, turning on her heels and holding her son a little bit tighter.

I run across the crowd, in the wrong way, people bumping into me every second. Someone clashes into me and I end up on the ground.

'Idiot!’ he shouts.

And maybe I am. I should be worrying about reaching the ships myself. But the thing is, I owe a great deal to Felix. And somehow, I think of him as a friend. _And I’m not leaving a friend behind. Not again._

I scrape myself up and call his name. He’s sitting up, dust covering his hair and when I reach him I grab his hand without question. I pull him up and don’t care for the startled expression on his face.

'We need to run!’

He gulps and then nods. I’m not letting go of his hand. And we’re running.


	9. galactica

The hangar bay of the Galactica is smaller than I remembered. Smaller, grayer and colder. But as I step out from the small ship carrying us aboard, I feel like coming home. And maybe I am.

Galen rushes in, embracing Cally and Nicholas. People all around me greet each other with smiles and hugs and handhsakes. Long lost collegues, friends, family finding each other. The hangar bay, feeling so small after the open space on the planet surface, fills with happiness.

'Hey,’ Felix places a hand on my shoulder and clears his throat. 'I… ahem… Thank you.’

I let out a small laugh. 'Now we’re even.’

He considers this for a moment, then nods with a smile on his face and goes on to find whoever he has left to find. It makes me wonder if anyone’s looking for me among the crowd.

'Li'l Marigold!’ shouts Hotdog, loud and ardent as ever. As I step closer and wave to him, I notice the squadron of pilots gathered around in one spot. My smile brights up to see all of us together again. We greet each other, laughing and then I bump into someone. At first I don’t even recognise him, the commander’s uniform confusing me, but then I see.

'Hey, Marigold, good to see you back!’ Apollo laughs at me. He’s definitely not prepared for me jumping at him, my feet dangling in the air as I hug his neck and shout his name.

'Lee!’ I laugh. 'Lee, Lee, Lee, it’s good to see you too!’

Lee almost trips over. 'Hey kid, easy!’ The squadron laughs as one as I let myself back on the ground. Someone ruffles my hair and perhaps I was wrong before because _this_ is what it must feel like to be coming home.

-

Roslin’s ship lands too and I’m also with the crowd who are waiting to see the former president, the prophet, the chosen one who’ll take us to Earth. But I’m not waiting for Roslin.

_Gods, what if something happened… what if something went wrong…_

Billy steps out of the ship behind Roslin and Tory and, well maybe his hair is even more messier than it usually is, but he’s unscatched. The weight of concern rolls down from my shoulders. I rush to him and greet him with a hug. Frankly, it’s quite an awkward hug and Tory shoots us a weird glance as if she’s asking _why are you guys still doing this?_ We step back and I have to stare at the floor before I can get myself together enought to start talking.

'Billy,’ I say the same time as he says, 'Marigold.’

'I’m glad you are-’

'Thank the Gods, you-’ we speak at the same time again. I chuckle, pulling my jacket tighter around me. Billy laughs too, embarrassed.

'So, ahem…’ he starts. 'I guess the Resistance is over now. A-and our performance is too…’

'Yeah, I guess,’ I bite my lip. _Just ask him!_

'Billy,’ I hesitantly take his hand and try to even my shaky breath. 'Do you really want that? For it to be over, I mean…’

His gaze is fixed on the floor. 'Do you?’

I shake my head, only slightly, but I know he sees it. I take in a deep breath, bracing myself for him to laugh at me or pull his hands away from mine.

Instead, he finally looks at me in the eye and lets go of my hand with one of his. I hold my breath. He pushes a stray strand of hair away from my face and rests his hand on my cheek. Then he says, 'Me neithe-’

He can’t finish the word because I’m on my tiptoes in no time, stealing the last syllable from his mouth. He brings up his other hand too, cupping my face as we are kissing. _We are kissing._

_We are kissing and I’m finally home._

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @afuckingdealighttobearound


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